Once upon a time there were three repleners whose names were Shaun, Will and Deano. Every day they would go to work at Sweat Shop Direct and spend the day trying to achieve 100 PI by putting boxes away in the racking ready for the pickers. Oh, what joy it was climbing the racking for retrievals instead of using the ladders, hoping not to get caught and have to face the wrath of the evil manager. The repleners would do Put to Bin as well as the retrievals and try to get as many R boxes as they could before Shaun nicked them and started boasting about getting 140 PI through hard work.
One sunny day they had just come back from the canteen when they saw some pallets in the annex.
“Oh look, some pasties have arrived.” said Will.
“Don’t you mean pallets?” enquired Shaun.
“Come on Lawn, you know what I mean.”
Shaun laughed. “Why do you keep calling me Lawn? It’s Shaun.”
Will blasted Shaun with a series of shocking profanities which are too expletive to print here as some children may be reading this story.
Shaun picked up his RFT and navigated to the Put to Bin menu. He quickly scanned the pallets to see which ones had the most R boxes.
“Hey Will,” he shouted. “Where is Deano?”
“Probably in the bogs,” Will replied. “Having one of his six shits. The lazy fat bastard is always hiding away somewhere. No wonder he’s always on review.”
“Come on mate,” Shaun laughed. “You love him really.”
“Well, he’s good for a lift home if you can put up with his crap jokes. I just pretend to laugh as we travel along the dual custard-way.”
“Dual carriageway Will.” Shaun corrected him.
“Whatever, “said Will in an aggressive tone. “Dunno how his wife Ipad puts up with him.”
“INTAN,” laughed Shaun. “She’s called Intan.”
Just then, Deano appeared and started telling jokes. Shaun and Will pretended to be deaf and started clearing the pallets. Once they were finished it was time for dinner, so off they went to Armstrongs chippy.
While they were gone, a short stumpy little man called Greenylocks stood at his computer looking for snibs. For thirty years he had been given all the easy low target jobs and was getting bored. He would often gaze at Shaun and Will racing around the floor with their cages and dream of being in their place. He checked the computer screen and saw that some more retrievals had come on the system. He saw a discarded RFT and had an idea. Checking to see there was no one around he got to work clearing all the retrievals in all three areas. As he was not used to doing real work, he decided he would place a red tote against the picking belt and have a rest.
The three repleners returned and saw there were no retrievals left.
“Someone’s been doing my retrievals.” cried Shaun.
“Someone’s been doing my restaurants…I mean retrievals.” cried Will.
“And someone’s been doing my retrievals.“ said Deano cheerfully and walked off for another shit.
Just then they heard snoring. They followed the sound to the picking belt where they saw Greenylocks fast asleep. Shaun gave him a nudge and he woke up.
“Did you take all our retrievals?” Shaun asked the red faced Greenylocks.
“Indeed I did,” he replied. “I just wanted to know what it was like to do real work for a change. I have often dreamed of chasing after a ridiculously high target set by a general manager who sits on his arse all day eating biscuits.”
The repleners took pity on Greenylocks and arranged for him to join them on their quest to rid the floor of retrievals. They gave him Deano’s RFT and set him to work. As Deano was still logged in, the manager was shocked to see the PI under his name had doubled to 20 PI.
And they all lived happily ever after.